So the big news in my life is that I shaved my goatee off. Yes I'll give you a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor...
Ok. Yes so the obvious question is why? Well honestly I've had it for about ten years. I decided to mix things up. I gave it a final hurrah and let it grow pretty long. There are pics on my facebook. Then I chopped it off and realized I have a butt on my chin. Yes I have a small cleft in my chin. Immediately I regretted my decision. At that moment I said I'm growing it back. After cooling down, I decided lets go a week without it. I have to say I'm glad I did.
Honestly I think my face looks better with the facial hair. However I was shocked at how many good comments I've been getting. People kept telling me how young I look. I felt great. Now granted 90% of these people are men but I'm sure the ladies will come around. (I hope lol.) Truth is I also feel younger, more motivated. Motivated to watch what I eat and get in better shape. Motivated to play hockey again. People are telling me how much more jovial I am. I feel it. Could my beard have been binding me? Nah I don't believe that stuff. However I believe the act of shaving it had some impact. Sending a message to myself that things need to change for me to be better. I think this year is going to be a good one. If this is the last year of existence I'm glad I'm feeling great about it.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
2012...the end?
So it is the year 2012. The last year in the Mayan calendar. I have to say I'm a bit disappointed. I mean I was always lead to believe the future or the new millennium would bring flying cars and of course the crash landing of alien robotic life forms. Yet alas to my dismay neither has happened. Although there have been crazy advances in technology as far as cellphones, computers and tablets go so not a total loss. Before you know it we will have chips inside of us which kind of creeps me out. the whole mark of the beast, pretty sure it says it will be inside us and we wont be able to buy or sell without it. However that also ensures a one way trip to hell. Decisions, decisions. Luckily that hasn't happened yet.
So whats the point of this rant. Well if in fact the Mayans happened to pull a rabbit out of a hat and are correct well then this is it. It puts things in perspective when we know the end is coming. I know this is going to sound like doom and gloom but I think people need to think more about our inevitable end. Its always there, the giant gorilla in the room. Its around every corner and does not discriminate. I find myself dwelling on it. So here is what normally happens when I think of it. OVERWHELMING FEAR!!!! My goodness. Now if you know me at all you would know change is horrifying to me. I am very much a creature of habit and I like to move at my own pace. However, death is all of the things I hate. Its unexpected, its sudden, its the great unknown. To quote Shakespeare,"The undiscovered Country, from whose born, No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will." I think that about sums up the vast majority of my fear. I don't know what to expect and its my greatest anxiety in life.
I will not lie, I fear death. I do not look forward to it. That is my initial reaction. However it has changed somewhat in recent weeks. I have come to accept that I will die. that's a step in the right direction. So if I am to die, what will I do with my time here? Furthermore, I believing the soul eternal, what can I do to ensure life beyond this corporeal flesh is paradise? Funny thing is the answer is nothing. Oh sure, I try to live right, I don't do drugs, I haven't physically murdered anyone, I try my best to be honest. However that's not enough. I have committed a great multitude of sin. Yes I'm calling it sin. Its my blog and I'll do as I wish. Which brings me to whats been going on with me.
The only peace i can ever have in death and the end is knowing that my sins can be forgiven by a very loving and forgiving God. (Oh no here comes the religious rant) I'm not trying to ram anything down any ones throat. I'm just sharing what I have been feeling and experiencing. We sin, we ALL do. You don't have to believe the sky is blue but that doesn't change the fact that its blue. A truth is absolution and when I look at the world and its corruption it all points to man and our nature to sin. Yet there is an answer while we are alive, God who has provided us a way to be washed clean for the rest of our days. I never truly understood this until I strayed away and did things I thought I would never do. things I at one point said I would never do. I feel as though lately when looking at death, yes I fear it, but I also have hope again. I have hope that in my end I will be welcomed into the loving arms of a God who can forgive me. That if I hold true to my faith and do my best not to sin I have a chance. Yet there in lies the beauty of what I'm saying. I will sin. Its in my nature to, I will fall short, I will miss the mark. Yet grace is always there, forgiveness is always there.
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." (Isaiah 1:18) You see I dwell on this more and more every day. As I do I am finding my peace with death and dying. I know its not for everyone even though I wish it were. However, this is what I meditate on, this is what I am finding hope in. I am not afraid to dwell on death so much anymore. I still fear it and it scares me to think how it might happen. Yet again, I have hope that in my weakness God is stronger. I only hope to become better and better as my life goes on however long that may be. Death, 2012...the end? No, its only the beginning.
So whats the point of this rant. Well if in fact the Mayans happened to pull a rabbit out of a hat and are correct well then this is it. It puts things in perspective when we know the end is coming. I know this is going to sound like doom and gloom but I think people need to think more about our inevitable end. Its always there, the giant gorilla in the room. Its around every corner and does not discriminate. I find myself dwelling on it. So here is what normally happens when I think of it. OVERWHELMING FEAR!!!! My goodness. Now if you know me at all you would know change is horrifying to me. I am very much a creature of habit and I like to move at my own pace. However, death is all of the things I hate. Its unexpected, its sudden, its the great unknown. To quote Shakespeare,"The undiscovered Country, from whose born, No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will." I think that about sums up the vast majority of my fear. I don't know what to expect and its my greatest anxiety in life.
I will not lie, I fear death. I do not look forward to it. That is my initial reaction. However it has changed somewhat in recent weeks. I have come to accept that I will die. that's a step in the right direction. So if I am to die, what will I do with my time here? Furthermore, I believing the soul eternal, what can I do to ensure life beyond this corporeal flesh is paradise? Funny thing is the answer is nothing. Oh sure, I try to live right, I don't do drugs, I haven't physically murdered anyone, I try my best to be honest. However that's not enough. I have committed a great multitude of sin. Yes I'm calling it sin. Its my blog and I'll do as I wish. Which brings me to whats been going on with me.
The only peace i can ever have in death and the end is knowing that my sins can be forgiven by a very loving and forgiving God. (Oh no here comes the religious rant) I'm not trying to ram anything down any ones throat. I'm just sharing what I have been feeling and experiencing. We sin, we ALL do. You don't have to believe the sky is blue but that doesn't change the fact that its blue. A truth is absolution and when I look at the world and its corruption it all points to man and our nature to sin. Yet there is an answer while we are alive, God who has provided us a way to be washed clean for the rest of our days. I never truly understood this until I strayed away and did things I thought I would never do. things I at one point said I would never do. I feel as though lately when looking at death, yes I fear it, but I also have hope again. I have hope that in my end I will be welcomed into the loving arms of a God who can forgive me. That if I hold true to my faith and do my best not to sin I have a chance. Yet there in lies the beauty of what I'm saying. I will sin. Its in my nature to, I will fall short, I will miss the mark. Yet grace is always there, forgiveness is always there.
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." (Isaiah 1:18) You see I dwell on this more and more every day. As I do I am finding my peace with death and dying. I know its not for everyone even though I wish it were. However, this is what I meditate on, this is what I am finding hope in. I am not afraid to dwell on death so much anymore. I still fear it and it scares me to think how it might happen. Yet again, I have hope that in my weakness God is stronger. I only hope to become better and better as my life goes on however long that may be. Death, 2012...the end? No, its only the beginning.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
New Experiments
Hello all. It is I, Rich once again here with a new blog. Now this one isn't going to be some deep blog or anything. It is basically to inform those who care whats going on in 2012. I have decided to try to make money on my blogging and youtube videos. Although youtube is going to be a rough go because I need the views in order to become a partner. So I have decided to blog more about, video games, my extensive transformers collection and current events and stuff like that. Of course leaving room for myself should the creative juices get flowing to just write. Now, I know I am not some great writer, video person or whatever but I am asking for some help. It costs you nothing, well ok maybe a few minutes. You can read my blog, check out my youtube channel which I will be working on from here on out. There will be ads, yes those dreaded ads. You click them and I can make some money. So yes this is me begging in a blog haha. Seriously though if you all could be that awesome to me and pass it along to friends and what not that be great. Feel free to check out past blogs and again check out my youtube channel, www.youtube.com/prime6783 for video content. Thanks again everyone. God bless.
Monday, October 17, 2011
New VLOG
Hello again to the 3 people who may ever read this. I have decided I really want to learn how to make videos. So I am toying around with my windows live movie maker. So I have a new vlog. I tried some new things. It turned out ok but Im far from great at it lol. Hope you all enjoy.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Surprise
Yea so out of sheer boredom awhile ago I made a video of me ranting about bullying lol. So for your viewing (dis)pleasure here it is. Let me know what you think.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
And so it goes...
I often wonder why things in my life always seem to find a way to go to shit. Oh if your wondering this isn't going to be an articulate or poetic entry. this is going to be real and raw. I fucked up people. I fucked up and have absolutely no help system at all. Yes thats right to all the people who seemingly have it all together, do you know why? Its because you have the support of those and the help of those who can do for you. I have none of those things. I have no support system, nobody to turn to in case I needed help. Nope not me, I'm left to figure this shit out on my own. Guess what, I have no answer for it. Zero, nada, I'm done for.
So I am all but homeless, well within an month or two. I have nowhere to go. No money to really do much. It sucks, it really fucking sucks. I been at this job for three and a half years and only get afew days here and there. I apply for other jobs to help out and get nothing. I am soooo fed up with this shit. I didnt expect life to be easy but I also didnt expect it to be this hard. Where everything I seem to try or do ends in failure. Its no wonder why people look at me and dont want any part of me because I'm a failure. I always have been and always will be. A leopard cant change his spots right? All those assholes who tortured me as a child were right, I'm nothing. I hate it.
Now ofcourse I won't give up. I'm hoping for a miracle but I'm starting to believe those stopped at the end of the New Testament. For those who don't know, thats a LOOOOONG time ago. I pray and I cry and petition but it all seems like nothing is making it to Gods ears. I don't doubt He is in control but I wish I had a bit of knowledge as to what the plan is. Instead I'll just not sleep, eat poorly and slowly go the way of the sabertooth tiger, EXTINCT!
So I am all but homeless, well within an month or two. I have nowhere to go. No money to really do much. It sucks, it really fucking sucks. I been at this job for three and a half years and only get afew days here and there. I apply for other jobs to help out and get nothing. I am soooo fed up with this shit. I didnt expect life to be easy but I also didnt expect it to be this hard. Where everything I seem to try or do ends in failure. Its no wonder why people look at me and dont want any part of me because I'm a failure. I always have been and always will be. A leopard cant change his spots right? All those assholes who tortured me as a child were right, I'm nothing. I hate it.
Now ofcourse I won't give up. I'm hoping for a miracle but I'm starting to believe those stopped at the end of the New Testament. For those who don't know, thats a LOOOOONG time ago. I pray and I cry and petition but it all seems like nothing is making it to Gods ears. I don't doubt He is in control but I wish I had a bit of knowledge as to what the plan is. Instead I'll just not sleep, eat poorly and slowly go the way of the sabertooth tiger, EXTINCT!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Ugh
Its Sunday, a rainy Sunday. My knees bother me when it rains and my body just feels blah. I'm bored so my mind takes me on a journey. Or it should but it seems even my mind has failed me today. I'm just staring at my walls. Crazy people do this. I feel like the light is on but nobody is home. Maybe I'm just hungry? Probably am, yet I can't seen to move today. There just isn't a reason to I suppose. Maybe that's a blessing, yet I can't sit still. I'm restless today or insane. I stare at my phone but nobody is calling. I'd try to reach out but nobody is answering anyway. Its the day of rest, maybe even celebrate the world not ending.
Yes, a comment on this briefly. There are two things that bother me about this whole end of the world nonsense. Let me state off the bat, I am a Christian. I believe what the bible says and if it says this world will end I believe it. I also believe the world will end because everything existing in the realm of time has a beginning and an ending. Your favorite shows begin and end. The baseball game has a beginning and ending. Our very lives have a beginning and ending. So why not the world? It makes sense to me unless you believe the world is a deity. It is not and when the time comes I believe we as humans will have a lot to do with its destruction.
Secondly, I am ashamed to be lumped in with "crazy Christians." I don't mind being persecuted for my beliefs. For how I will put my faith in something other than man. However I hate that I will get lumped in with these fear mongers and false prophets which the bible warns about. Speaking of which the bible says no man knows the day or the hour and lo and behold the bible was right, Camping, wrong again. I understand that I may never agree with the world I live in. I don't support all of the causes the world does. I may never see eye to eye with people however I am still human. I also am not uneducated or foolish to place my faith outside human beings.
I cannot deny that religions have waged wars and been responsible for countless deaths. You can't simply assume that out is only religion the breaks the "peace." Within our nature lies destructive forces and if we weren't fighting over religious differences it would be about something else. Be it greed, political allegiance, or simply having what another country wants or vice versa.
What bothers me most of all are the religious leaders. They are given this position of influence and instead of using it to help others and preach a message of love they use it to spread lies and widespread panic. They use it to manipulate the masses in order to stroke their own ego or line their own pockets. Its sickening and I can assure they will be judged harshly for their crimes, if not in this life then the next.
What I am trying to say is I am a christian and I am human. I am not better than anyone else on this planet. I fall short, I fail, I hurt and have hurt others. While I may not agree with this world and the people in it I also can understand where they are coming from when our leaders in the faith are doing what they are doing. I preach Christ crucified and resurrected. That will rub people the wrong way thats fine. You don't have to listen anymore than I have to listen to the dogma of the world. Isn't our differences though what makes this world great anyway? Until the time comes people understand that I as a christian did not believe the world was ending this weekend. Will it? Eventually. However there is more to preach and do instead of dwelling on the end. Remember despite our differences we are all frail humans who fall short.
Yes, a comment on this briefly. There are two things that bother me about this whole end of the world nonsense. Let me state off the bat, I am a Christian. I believe what the bible says and if it says this world will end I believe it. I also believe the world will end because everything existing in the realm of time has a beginning and an ending. Your favorite shows begin and end. The baseball game has a beginning and ending. Our very lives have a beginning and ending. So why not the world? It makes sense to me unless you believe the world is a deity. It is not and when the time comes I believe we as humans will have a lot to do with its destruction.
Secondly, I am ashamed to be lumped in with "crazy Christians." I don't mind being persecuted for my beliefs. For how I will put my faith in something other than man. However I hate that I will get lumped in with these fear mongers and false prophets which the bible warns about. Speaking of which the bible says no man knows the day or the hour and lo and behold the bible was right, Camping, wrong again. I understand that I may never agree with the world I live in. I don't support all of the causes the world does. I may never see eye to eye with people however I am still human. I also am not uneducated or foolish to place my faith outside human beings.
I cannot deny that religions have waged wars and been responsible for countless deaths. You can't simply assume that out is only religion the breaks the "peace." Within our nature lies destructive forces and if we weren't fighting over religious differences it would be about something else. Be it greed, political allegiance, or simply having what another country wants or vice versa.
What bothers me most of all are the religious leaders. They are given this position of influence and instead of using it to help others and preach a message of love they use it to spread lies and widespread panic. They use it to manipulate the masses in order to stroke their own ego or line their own pockets. Its sickening and I can assure they will be judged harshly for their crimes, if not in this life then the next.
What I am trying to say is I am a christian and I am human. I am not better than anyone else on this planet. I fall short, I fail, I hurt and have hurt others. While I may not agree with this world and the people in it I also can understand where they are coming from when our leaders in the faith are doing what they are doing. I preach Christ crucified and resurrected. That will rub people the wrong way thats fine. You don't have to listen anymore than I have to listen to the dogma of the world. Isn't our differences though what makes this world great anyway? Until the time comes people understand that I as a christian did not believe the world was ending this weekend. Will it? Eventually. However there is more to preach and do instead of dwelling on the end. Remember despite our differences we are all frail humans who fall short.
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