And so it goes...

I often wonder why things in my life always seem to find a way to go to shit. Oh if your wondering this isn't going to be an articulate or poetic entry. this is going to be real and raw. I fucked up people. I fucked up and have absolutely no help system at all. Yes thats right to all the people who seemingly have it all together, do you know why? Its because you have the support of those and the help of those who can do for you. I have none of those things. I have no support system, nobody to turn to in case I needed help. Nope not me, I'm left to figure this shit out on my own. Guess what, I have no answer for it. Zero, nada, I'm done for.

So I am all but homeless, well within an month or two. I have nowhere to go. No money to really do much. It sucks, it really fucking sucks. I been at this job for three and a half years and only get afew days here and there. I apply for other jobs to help out and get nothing. I am soooo fed up with this shit. I didnt expect life to be easy but I also didnt expect it to be this hard. Where everything I seem to try or do ends in failure. Its no wonder why people look at me and dont want any part of me because I'm a failure. I always have been and always will be. A leopard cant change his spots right? All those assholes who tortured me as a child were right, I'm nothing. I hate it.

Now ofcourse I won't give up. I'm hoping for a miracle but I'm starting to believe those stopped at the end of the New Testament. For those who don't know, thats a LOOOOONG time ago. I pray and I cry and petition but it all seems like nothing is making it to Gods ears. I don't doubt He is in control but I wish I had a bit of knowledge as to what the plan is. Instead I'll just not sleep, eat poorly and slowly go the way of the sabertooth tiger, EXTINCT!