In dreams

Its early, the dawn is breaking, twilight. I stare out my window the last twinkling of the stars before night gives way to morning. I feel at peace. The cool wind brushes against my face. The sun begins to rise. I step outside to greet the new day. I walk out onto the beach as the sun continues to rise. The ocean waves play the tune for mornings triumphant return. Again I am at peace. The warmth provided by the sun takes hold. I am grateful for I have seen many cold nights. I walk along the beach, barefoot, kicking sand. I am jubilant and again at peace. I stop, in awe and wonder of this beautiful morning. I thank God for it. I am at peace. I think to myself if only my dreams could be this peaceful and every day begin this way. A strange sound in the distance. Louder and louder it gets until...

Alarm clock. Darkness. Light barely entering my room. I'm awake, and so begins my nightmare.

Song lyrics

As one might imagine music is big part of my life. No I'm not a musician but I like to listen to music. Songs are powerful tools that can be used for both good and evil. They can inspire and tear someone down. Make you happy or depress you. I have decided to post song lyrics on here from time to time simply because sometimes they say what I feel better than I can.

It's buried deep within the past and I hope it doesn't last
(It's something I already chase, I already chase)
I try to give it all away but it's never gonna fade
(It's something I don't wanna face, I don't wanna face)
I know you feel it's all the same but I promise that'll change
(It's something I already chase, I already chase)
You know I'm trying to believe that you're never gonna leave
(It's something I don't wanna face, I don't wanna face)

There's nothing left, the fear is gone
When my heartstrings come undone
I will wait for you, pray for you
Before I make my final run I will stay with you, decay with you

I know I'm not the perfect one, this pain has just begun
(It's something I already chase, I already chase)
You bring me to a better path, is everything alright
(It's something I don't wanna face, I don't wanna face)

There's nothing left, the fear is gone
And when my heartstrings come undone
I will wait for you, pray for you
Before I make my final run I will stay with you, decay with you

If you fade out without me
You'll know all about me
If you fade out without me
You'll know all

And when my heartstrings come undone
I will wait for you, pray for you
Before I make my final run I will stay with you, decay with you

Demon hunter
"My heartstrings come undone"

We can't get it back

Life is a series of risks, gambles, and decisions. If one has ever gambled you can understand the excitement of it all. This one hand, or roll could be the one that changes my life forever. Then it happens, you lose. Maybe you were on a roll and took it just a little too far. Maybe you put it all out there because you had nothing to lose. After all as a friend of mine would say, "money comes back." Now I am not saying we should gamble all our money away but in life we gamble.

Think about the decisions we have to make in our lives. What kind of job do we want? What school we go to? What friends and relationships do we enter into? All a gamble. There are no guarantees in this life so we take chances. We invest, and while most investments require money thats not all we gamble with. The highest form of currency at the tables in Lifes casino is time. Yes time. It is also the only currency we don't get back.

We are creatures bound by time. Everything in this dimension has a beginning and ultimately an end. Somewhere stamped on us is an expiration date that we cannot see which makes time so important. Some of use will be lucky and beat the games for years and some of us not so much. Yet we all gamble with our time knowing full well we don't get it back. Not until the invention of the time machine will we be able to get back lost time. This is why its so important to be careful what you invest your chips in. See that girl, how much time do you invest? Relationship or a quicky? Either way time spent. Do you go all in? Some of us are sitting there with pocket kings and we go all in and the house has aces. Now that time you spent in a relationship is gone. Yes the feeling invested will crush you, money you spent gone. Yet all of those thing will come back, but not the time spent.

Now of course I'm not just talking relationships. Going to college and declaring your major. Bust your butt for years of schooling and never get a job in that field. Time invested, can't get it back. Now school is never a bad investment again just another example of where our time goes. The point is, invest wisely with everything but remember time never comes back. We can't account for the bad beats we are dealt, and oh yes we will be. The house always wins in the end and life is one bitch of a dealer.

Time, we borrow it. Its not even truly ours. Which is why we look back at our most triumphant moments and miss them. Why sometimes we relive the bad beats to remind us of what we learned. Its not pointless. You have an allotted amount of time here. Play on, don't be afraid to love to take a risk. Just be wise with your investments because some beats are so bad we never recover. Its amazing how we always remember the bad. How it stays with us. I'm off topic, my mind is wandering. In this case the only thing worse than gambling and losing it all, is hoarding your chips and never taking a chance. Happy gambling my friends.

My mind just won't shut up

2011. Another year. I'm alive. I think I'm alive, no maybe I'm just breathing. I'm thinking, therefore I exist right? Do I merely want to exist? No I want to live. But how? Have I been living or just going through the motions? Is going through the motions living? Or should I rage against the machine? Shake up the status quo! Would anyone care? Would it make a difference? Can a man change his stars? Can he challenge destiny or the wheels of fate? Take a stand in a world where everyone knowingly or not is marching to the beat of one drum, DESTRUCTION.
Fight against the dying of the light. Be a light in a world that hates the light. Be alone in the world yet never alone. Be the warrior who carries into battle the weight of the world, one that cares not for him. Or turn your back and get in line. Choice is yours. Do we really have a choice? Free will or no will? Or wills bound to a darkness we no longer see. One we are desensitized by, one we love!
Tired, weary I grow. How I long to be on the mountain top instead of this baron valley. This desert of questions. a foul with the stench of those who are rotting here. I to am becoming one of them. Zombie, the terror of it all. No no, I have purpose, I am not mindless. No for if I were mindless this wouldn't exist. The words here wouldn't, the questions, the experiences, the journey. Ugh if I hear any of their music one more time. Stay focused, a beast is before you. You can hear his ramblings. Growling and gnawing on the corpses of those here. The sky turns black. Thunder ringing in my ears. Flashes of lightning shake me to the core. Come beast I fear you no more than I fear myself... Myself.