Saturday, December 21, 2013


Hello my beloved
Its been so long since you left
Do you recognize me?
Stare into these eyes
Do you see me now?
Can you see the fading embers of love?
Can you see the man I use to be?
I still bleed from the knife in my back.
You remember the one don't you?
I cant say I didn't see it coming
I chose not to believe nay,
I chose to believe in you.
My love and trust rewarded by lies and betrayal
I've learned a lot since then
My heart encased in walls of ice
Enclosing the faintest of heartbeats
It still beats, it still yearns, longing to be loved again

Look at me now, just a shell
does anybody see me anymore?
Can they bear the sight of me?
Your creation, guarded, bleeding, and broken.
Alienated, yet I feel the stares
Pity, hatred and disgust like daggers
They cant accept me nor I them
Im distant in order to protect myself
its the only way I know how to cope
Do you remember me?
lost in the carnival of souls
remind me of who I was
Tell me there was a time
when cold gave way to warmth
When my smile was genuine and my thoughts sincere
I cant seem to remember those days
Days when there was an embrace
the security and peace of loving arms
they can never love me
I watch as their eyes glance over me
Do they recognize a man standing before them?
Am I just a ghost?
Unseen, unheard, forgotten to time
Is it willful ignorance?
Am I so deformed that the sight of me
repulsive, sickening, a horror

what did I do to deserve such a fate?
Am I so unloved? Undesirable?
Whats it going to take?
I don't understand why not me?
then I remember the knife, the blood
Does it drive people away?
Despite my masks my guise is faltering
the weight of this curse unbearable
Forever alone, forever cold, forever wanting
The duality is astounding
A heart so warm can be so cold
A soul so caring can be so indifferent
Free and imprisoned, alive yet dead
Willing and yet shunned

Remember me my love when I am no more
Return if only to claim your property
One last time tell me the tales of old
Remove your knife and set me free
Its all I ask, one kind favor
please my precious, my everything and my all
allow this blood to flow
My parting gift to you, my life force
I leave you these departing words
as the world around me fades to black
I shed a tear for all that's lost
In that space between a blink and a tear I go
The soul free from this bodily prison
Shall I go to heaven?
Will the angels receive me?
Or is hell my eternal destination?
Perhaps I should hope for oblivion
To erase your memory, your stain upon my soul

You have become my perfect sin
A goddess, my glorious, intoxicating idol
I forsake all for you
I'd go wherever you ask me to
Endure whatever task you set before me
You are my lone addiction
Please do not leave my love unrequited
Has my giving not been fervent enough?
My life blood not sufficient
tell me what more my sweet

Silence, there is nothing here
My goddess a figment of imagination
The sweet aromas, the warm embrace
the taste of her lips
the smooth skin and curves of her body
The knife, killing my fantasy
The illusion of you my love
you aren't real, the reality, the knife
Follow the trail to my broken heart
I cant make you, any of you
the love that I long for, the poison
of my own design, taken of my will
I can hear the laughter of both maker and destroyer
the moon and stars hide their faces
The shame of it all

You who I adore, unknown beauty
One day we shall be together
No matter how many lifetimes pass
May my cries echo into eternity
I will find you my love
See past the ghastly visage
May your hands reach inside
Melt away the cold recesses of my heart
Allow me to look upon you
So that I may remember
Remember my humanity, my smile
genuine, sincere, fearless and hopeful
Could you love me that much?
Even now when I have made it difficult?
Are you out there?
Do you think of me how I think of you?
For in you I find the keys to happiness
the solution to the riddle of life
I find my completion in your embrace
Im still here my love
Waiting, alone, cold and wanting.