So it is the year 2012. The last year in the Mayan calendar. I have to say I'm a bit disappointed. I mean I was always lead to believe the future or the new millennium would bring flying cars and of course the crash landing of alien robotic life forms. Yet alas to my dismay neither has happened. Although there have been crazy advances in technology as far as cellphones, computers and tablets go so not a total loss. Before you know it we will have chips inside of us which kind of creeps me out. the whole mark of the beast, pretty sure it says it will be inside us and we wont be able to buy or sell without it. However that also ensures a one way trip to hell. Decisions, decisions. Luckily that hasn't happened yet.
So whats the point of this rant. Well if in fact the Mayans happened to pull a rabbit out of a hat and are correct well then this is it. It puts things in perspective when we know the end is coming. I know this is going to sound like doom and gloom but I think people need to think more about our inevitable end. Its always there, the giant gorilla in the room. Its around every corner and does not discriminate. I find myself dwelling on it. So here is what normally happens when I think of it. OVERWHELMING FEAR!!!! My goodness. Now if you know me at all you would know change is horrifying to me. I am very much a creature of habit and I like to move at my own pace. However, death is all of the things I hate. Its unexpected, its sudden, its the great unknown. To quote Shakespeare,"The undiscovered Country, from whose born, No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will." I think that about sums up the vast majority of my fear. I don't know what to expect and its my greatest anxiety in life.
I will not lie, I fear death. I do not look forward to it. That is my initial reaction. However it has changed somewhat in recent weeks. I have come to accept that I will die. that's a step in the right direction. So if I am to die, what will I do with my time here? Furthermore, I believing the soul eternal, what can I do to ensure life beyond this corporeal flesh is paradise? Funny thing is the answer is nothing. Oh sure, I try to live right, I don't do drugs, I haven't physically murdered anyone, I try my best to be honest. However that's not enough. I have committed a great multitude of sin. Yes I'm calling it sin. Its my blog and I'll do as I wish. Which brings me to whats been going on with me.
The only peace i can ever have in death and the end is knowing that my sins can be forgiven by a very loving and forgiving God. (Oh no here comes the religious rant) I'm not trying to ram anything down any ones throat. I'm just sharing what I have been feeling and experiencing. We sin, we ALL do. You don't have to believe the sky is blue but that doesn't change the fact that its blue. A truth is absolution and when I look at the world and its corruption it all points to man and our nature to sin. Yet there is an answer while we are alive, God who has provided us a way to be washed clean for the rest of our days. I never truly understood this until I strayed away and did things I thought I would never do. things I at one point said I would never do. I feel as though lately when looking at death, yes I fear it, but I also have hope again. I have hope that in my end I will be welcomed into the loving arms of a God who can forgive me. That if I hold true to my faith and do my best not to sin I have a chance. Yet there in lies the beauty of what I'm saying. I will sin. Its in my nature to, I will fall short, I will miss the mark. Yet grace is always there, forgiveness is always there.
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." (Isaiah 1:18) You see I dwell on this more and more every day. As I do I am finding my peace with death and dying. I know its not for everyone even though I wish it were. However, this is what I meditate on, this is what I am finding hope in. I am not afraid to dwell on death so much anymore. I still fear it and it scares me to think how it might happen. Yet again, I have hope that in my weakness God is stronger. I only hope to become better and better as my life goes on however long that may be. Death, 2012...the end? No, its only the beginning.