People like to talk about karma. They like to say good things happen to good people. They like to say you get what you deserve. Then I live in an upside down kingdom. Innocence is crushed, lives are destroyed, good people suffer while the criminals and fat cats yuck it up on the finest the world has to offer. Then you are going to look me in the eyes and say karma. Let me tell you something about me, I am not an amazing person. I am no a saint by any stretch of the imagination but I try to live by a moral and ethical code of honor if you will. I try, to be good to people, to my friends, to complete strangers. why? Because we are all people, we all have feelings, we are all fucked up in some way. I am not better than anyone else. Yet I have been repeatedly made to feel that for all of my trying I am constantly getting the rug pulled out from under me. Its as if what ever cosmic forces are out there get their kicks by shitting on my life. Then they tell me Karma.
Here is the real truth people, karma doesn't exist. Bad things and good things can happen to all types of people be they bad or good. More often than not good people, nice people get the shit end of the stick Nice guys finish last? Exactly. I find myself being very angry lately. Angry at the world, the people around me, and myself. I ask myself every day why I am the way I am. Why I choose to be this way, or live with these standards when there has been no reward in it. You want to know my reward? Loneliness, alienation, sadness, anxiety, depression, just to name a few of my closest friends as of late. The worst part about all of it is nobody seems to get it. Nobody seems to truly understand why someone like me feels this way. Why does every relationship I come across turns to ashes? Why despite my sincerest efforts my hands destroy everything? I just don't know.
I am not trying to say good things and good people don't exist, that would be stupid. What I am trying to say is stop with this karma nonsense. It doesn't matter how good you think you are, bad things will happen in your life. For some, bad things will happen more so than others. Lucky for me I seem to be in the bad things all the time club. Yet I soldier on, I carry my anger with me because it has nowhere else to go. I try again to hold myself to a higher standard, to buck the trends and NOT be anyone else but me. That has brought me here, to this place. For better or worse, I can't compromise who I am or what I believe. It is those beliefs, those standards that define who I am, that dictate most o my actions. I am not perfect, never will be, but I try. Just please don't come at me with that karma nonsense. Karma is a bitch just not in the way people think.
This is a short one today. I have had a lot going on personally, with family and myself and there are some big changes coming. I will admit, I'm frightened by the storm brewing ahead of me. I can see the clouds forming, and I don't know if I'm prepared for whats to come. Are we ever truly prepared? Like a blade of grass on the wind, such is life. You can't predict it, things just happen. Life persists.