Thursday, November 8, 2012
The problem with wanting
So Im awake at 3:40am on this cold thursday morning. Alone as always, in the silence that is so loud. Thoughts race through my mind, heart aching as is customary in my loneliness. I think of the things I want. No, the thing I want, which isn't fair to say because it is not a thing I want but a someone. I have heard it said there is nothing wrong with wanting but Im starting to believe that there needs to be an amendment to such a statement. There is nothing wrong with wanting so long as what you want is tangible and possible. I could want to be with a movie star and that is just foolish and thus shouldnt be sought after. However what do you do when you want something that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt would make you happy? Even if it isnt possible? You stubbornly wont give up on it. You know because your heart and mind are in agreement that this turn of events would make you happy. So what do you do? I honestly do not have an answer. Its easy to say just find something else but again you know that something else wouldnt be the thing you want most. Allow me to explain in simpler terms. Lets say there is a Masterpiece Optimus Prime out there. It is the PERFECT Optimus, the best G1 Optimus EVER MADE!(Look I dont care what you think this is my blog and this does exist by the way.) Now lets just say you didnt have the means, lets say it cost too much or you could only get it fom Japan by flying there to get it. You know in your heart that is the one you want, the only, no question, no doubt. So you say to yourself well there are other G1 Primes out there. You could get Masterpiece 01 Optimus. He is cool, but he isnt the perfect one, he isnt the best one ever made. So do you settle? Even if you know in your heart that you wont love the MP 01 as much as the Masterpiece OP in japan? I know for me I just cant do it. So what do you do when it comes to something much more important, like the love of another person? You can't make anyone love you, its the problem with wanting someone. There is never a guarantee they will love you back. Even if you had a Genie, you cant make someone love you. ( I saw Aladdin, I know the rules.) So the question still remains what to do? Will the want ever die? This isnt the best thing I have written nor does it make much sense, but it is late so forgive me. You are never truly prepared for the twists that life can throw your way. No matter how much schooling you get nobody can teach you how to deal with the fickle, rollercoaster like feelings you will develop in your lifetime. I hope the wanting will die but I know for as long as I live in wont. It is an anomaly, an x factor, something that is unexplained but just is. I hate it. Its the problem with wanting what you cant have. I can get Masterpiece prime, thats easy when its material. The problem with wanting is when you want something that cannot be bought, bargained for or predicted. When you want something as complex as love.